Since No One Else Has The Guts To Say It...

They boo'd his ass! The other night I went to the Jam Master Jay Tribute Concert and Award Show at Hammerstein Ballroom. There was a long list of performers like Snoop, De La Soul, MOP, Dead Prez, and Mobb Deep. The few that stick out is Papoose who did a bunch of mixtape songs noone new or cared to hear and Jim Jones who the crowd actually boo'd. I'll be honest and say he deserved it too! For some reason he didn't have a show tape to perform to. He was trying to rap over his own lyrics which came off as sounding as if he didn't practice. Where's the professionalism? I actually dig Jimmy but his set was the absolute worse. Actually, maybe it was the ex-rapper turned country singer Everlast who stated "Johnny Cash was the first hip hop gangster!" And even sung a Cash song. Either way the it was absolute hilarious.

Shouts out to my homie Shucky who somehow bumrushed the MOP set, wildin' out, drunker than a you-know-what! And Jay for hookin' a girl up with that free ticket!

Finding Solace in the Randomness...AKA...A Dime A Dozen

Last night I went to a club called Retreat. It's a pretty chill spot, kinda small but nice atmosphere just the same. My homie Village, whose a promoter invited me to this NBA party where I don't think I even saw any players. Well, maybe there was one or two but I didn't know the faces and only assumed they were players becasue they were tall and had a little bling. Yes one of them tried to holla but, no, I wasn't interested. I always like going out with Village cause I know its bottle poppin and VIP all night long. I also like the fact that he has a pretty cool bunch of people he hangs with. If nothing else they don't fuck with me.

The night started out cool enough and I was pleasantly suprised to see that Village had also invited Jay. Jay is this guy that I seem to randomly see at various functions. The last time I saw him I was at my old boss Micheal's restaurant on a Thursday night. I didn't say anything then just like the times before but for some reason last night I felt ok to introduce myself and told him that I thought he was handsome. He smiled, said thank you a couple of times and gave me mock praise in return in the form of a worshipping motion with his hands and arms. That was it. No more conversation. I did catch him looking at me a couple of times after that but nothing more. For some reason something about the whole exchange intrigued me.

After Retreat a group of us went to Lotus. Lotus was crazy. Packed to the brim with people (at least on the first floor) but that didn't stop Village from getting us all into VIP. I saw Swizz Beatz who said what's up (I'll talk about that later), Terrence and Rocsi and I think Treach from Naughty By Nature. I caught Terrence checking me out and if I didn't know better I'd think Rocsi was looking at him looking at me like what the hell is he looking at. Of course I was tipsy and can be guilty of a small amount of narcissism here and there so there is the very minute possiblitly that I mistook a passing glance as checking me out though I very seriously doubt it. Around 3:30 I decided to leave and just as I get into the cab I see Swiss walking up to a Maybach with some guys. "Hey cutie." I say. "No you're the cutie." he replies. I'd met him at a party a while back and asked if he remembered me. "Of course I remember you" he says. And of course I didn't believe him but it still felt good to hear.

For the most part it felt really good to go out and just chill with some cool people and party in the midsts of it all. I hadn't really been out like that in a while and it did wonders for my ego. It was a completely random evening and I can't wait to do it again.

Changes Abound...

I contemplated changing my hair for a while before I actually mustered up enough nerve to do it. While I do fancy myself as a proponent of change, changing my hairstyle seemed a little daunting. I mean, I liked my old hair style. Being that i'd rocked if for the better part of the last four years a change not only felt needed but wanted.

I figured since 2008 is steadily approaching, why not. The end of the year has always been a time for reflection, of prospects and of realizing my future. I figured with all the changes I've been facing recently changing my hair was actually no biggie. It seemed more of a progression than any thing and I can honestly say that I'm so glad I did it.

Overlooking the undeniably obvious....

So many things have managed to change within the blink of an eye and like they so often do they have popped up suddenly than a muthafucka! These things have caused me to analyze and pick a part every minute detail of my life. And as we all know with self reflection comes the menancing cruelty and uplifting enlightment of reality. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I'm able to really let myself fully experience things without utilizing the defense mechanism I've developed over the years of feigning disinterest. I'm opening myself to all things with nothing expected but the experience of living itself and I"m filled with this the undeniable feeling of being young again. I mean, not that I'm old but I've got my share of baggage in life's perverbial trunk and it feels good to lose that shit in the universal airport.

Kings or Pawns, Emperors or Fools

First have any of you been to this blog at jonathanjaxon.blogspot.com? It’s the most entertaining tabloid read I’ve had online in a long time. He claims to know the inside scoop on certain celebrities who are gay or bi-sexual. This list is crazy. He says Jonnie Gill & Eddie Murphy been sleeping together for years. I think everybody pretty much knew this. Well except for maybe Tracey Edmunds. This chick is either in it for the money or completely off her rocker. Who’d want to marry a man who’s had his lover live in he and his last wife’s pool house. Baby! These old hoes act more stupid than the young ones at times. Although he doesn’t call Ludacris gay he does say that back in the day Luda used to have sex with some random gay guy that’s now become a porn star. He claims that R Kelly, Ja Rule and DMX all have slept with their male stylist at some point and that Big Tigger at some point was fucking with both Superhead and Tyson Beckford at the same time. None of these people surprise me. Not even Luda. Now this guy Jonathan Jaxon is this gay, ex-publicists or something like that. He’s hung out with some celebs, represented some others and fallen out with others still. Although I can’t say if everything he says is the truth, if you go to his website and watch his video blogs you’ll find him very convincing. And definitely not afraid of getting sued. Personally, I think he’s a breath a fresh air. Who didn’t know Usher, Will Smith and Jamie Fox weren’t gay? OK, so maybe we didn’t know but yall know we, at least, thought it. This guy had the guts to come out and say that he’d actually shared a hot and really good kiss with Cuba Gooding Jr. Now you see poor Cuba in the tabloids being accused of hitting on all sorts of women. I guess his PR person believes its better to be an aldulterer than to be gay. Damn fools, I tell ya. I, for one, can’t wait to see what happens with all of this.


Method to the Madness…
I’ve been working out for almost two weeks now. I’d noticed I gained a few (actually 12) pounds over the last six to nine months and figured I’d better do something about it before the situation totally got away from me. I guess, as I get older all the sweet cakes and potato chips with hot sauce is catching up with me. I figured to make the situation easier I’d join a gym and get a trainer. You know, get someone on my team to motivate my ass to exercise and eat right continuously. What I didn’t expect was the affects it would have on my energy and my attitude in general. Last night I went to the gym to get on some of the three hours of cardio I have to do outside of my sessions with the trainer weekly. After leaving I thought I’d be out of it but to my surprise I felt like a million bucks. I did forty minutes on the treadmill and twenty on the elixir. At some point I realized I liked it and it was as though the more sweat that poured off me the better. I was in a trance.

Chronicles of a Real G

I came across this yesterday and the man made so much sense I had to post it up. He's basically speaking on the state of Hip Hop and how we must incur some much needed changes before it's totally ruined. He spoke of this fake gangster rappers are leading our children to believe that selling dope is the way to go or that instead of talking about how much money and jewelry they have they should try teaching something within their music. He even speaks on closeted homosexuals in hip hop. He says nothing's wrong with being gay - its a preference - but something is definitely wrong if your hiding it or you feel ashamed about what your doing. He talk about all kinds of stuff and he doesn't beat around the bush about it. "Get off the boo boo!" is what he says and I'm down with that! I've included the link below. If you love hip hop check it out...

http://www.trillsouth.com/blog/news/the-chronicles-of-pimp-c-ozone-magazine-official/

Fact Is Sometimes Fiction...

I tell all my non-New York friends that some how the time passes more swiftly in New York than in any city I've ever been in. The days pass like hours and before you know it a month of Sundays have gone by without you barely taking notice. The last time I wrote I'd just gotten back from home. And when I'd arrived I was overwhelmed with the feeling of ambitious energy. Meaning that I was somehow motivated on my last trip home to do more than what it is that I'm currently doing with myself here. I mean, here I am in the city of dreams and I'm not utilizing all that is at my doorstep. I was acting complacent when the truth was I was anything but. Do I like my job? Hell yes. Would I like to do this for the rest of my life? Hell no! (emphatically no!) I was actually having a conversation with Sal yesterday about how it seems that in working for monetary gain I've began disregarding my creative-self and I'm non too happy about this fact. For some reason I find doing what you love for a living very romantic in a worldly kind of way. And it's something that I want to do. And it's something I AM going to do.

My cousin who lives in Florida sent me some pics of his son, Lil' Brandon. Isn't he just the cutest Little people intrigue me. I find it rather interesting to know that one day they will turn old and take care of little people of their own. I guess it has something to do with the life cycle. It actually can seem pretty depressing. It's like this old gay guy told me once..."honey none 0f us are getting any younger." Ain't that the truth.

Have any of you guys seen the new version of Google. It's called Blackle and it's supposed to save energy by having a black screen as opposed to white. Not a bad idea, however, I like it because it black. Black is my favorite color by the way. Go check it out... www.blackle.com

My ex-boyfriend James came to New York this past weekend. I hadn't talked to him in months and i wasn't quite sure how I'd react to him. We met for a quick bite to eat at this really cool outside brasserie called Maison. Just like the old days, our conversation flowed like water. It made me remember how effortless things were between us at some point. We talked about music (he's working closely with Chamillionaire - Don't ask), Dallas, and about new opportunities in New York. I took him to one of my hotels and showed off a little bit. Letting him know that his girl isn't exactly running New York but that I do have some swagger and am certainly on my way. He said he was proud and joked my current boyfriend would have something to worry about if he took the job being offered. We both laughed at that for some reason. It's weird to because I never would have thought back then that we'd be living our lives completely separate at this point. It felt good sitting in his presence, reminiscing about the good old days and talking about our respective futures. We had drinks on the rooftop of the Dream Hotel and eventually said goodbye promising to keep in touch. We were supposed to link up again before he left but it didn't pan out. Oh well...

Liquid Salvation & Tiny Fags...

It's been a while and so much has transpired since my last sit down. Lets see. I went to Vegas for the weekend a couple weeks back. You know how Vegas is...Hot on many different levels. I'd met some freinds and associates there and we all stayed at the Mandalay Bay. They have this really cool man made beach that didn't do shit for me but was cool anyway. I spent the majority of my days there lounging by one of the quiter pools. It was no less than 110 degrees everyday I was there but I didn't really mind since I was at least out of the city for a few days. I went to a burlesque show while I was there at this club called forty-deuce and they served this water called Liquid Salvation. I thought the bottle was absolutely devine so I brought it back with me. This coupled with the tiny fags that a new friend of mine brought over from the UK were about the only things that made it back from Vegas. By the way, those tiny boxes get you a lot of attention. They're a great conversation starter and all the cuties kept walking up making small talk with the cigs as an ice breaker. I think I may keep the box and take them with me to bars around New York. It's sure to work here too. Thinking back on the trip I didn't really do a lot of anything. Sat by the pool by day and partied all night. And as for gambling, I left once my ass was up by $5. Hey, a win is a win. I also went to the Rum Jungle and danced my ass off. The dj's in that place know how to keep you moving. They even had a accompaning bongo guy adding to the boom and pop! I don't think I got in before 4am that night. Over all it was pretty good. The only thing that kinda annoyed me was that someone layed all of their feelings for me on the table and while I was breifly flatter it always sucks when you don't feel the same. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to tell the truth either so I did what any one would do. I was vague. Seemed to work easily enough.


After returning from my three day weekend in Vegas I flew back to New York on Sunday for a project meeting first thing Monday morning and then flew home to Dallas on Tuesday afternoon. Home was hella good. I have to go back every couple of months to get some of that family love. Coincindentally, it makes me that much more hungrier when I return. It's as though I'm reminded why I moved to New York in the first place. Of course I saw my stinka butt who is growing so fast and is bad as hell. He's in that stage where the only thing he really like to say is "no" and "huh". Its kind of annoying. Actually very annoying but when you have a face as cute as the one above you can pretty much get away with anything. I got kinda bummed while I was home too. I think its because no one seems to be progressing the way I would like them to. They're pretty much all doing the same shit they was doing when I left. I mean I don't expect any significant changes but shit they were going to the same clubs we went to five years ago. I guess some shit just don't change. Independence day came and went. I had plenty of bar-b-que (my cousin kilt it on the grill), saw a few fire works and partied for most of my night there but was all to happy to go home. It seemed as if I'd been traveling for days on end. I even came back with a small treat for myself. Grape Swisher Sweet Cigarillos. These shits are good! They're kind of scratch and sniff. Once you unwrap them you can smell the grape everywhere.
You see that plastic bag. I missed my flight coming back to New York thinking it left at 7:50 when it really left at 7:05 so they wouldn't let me check my luggage and I had to fit all of my liquids into that tiny bag. Does anyone else think this band on liquids is getting out of control. I don't think terrorist will be bringing down a plane with my hair spritzer. I was mad as hell. That shit was $5. I had to fly into Newark which meant a $75 dollar taxi ride to the crib but I was so happy to be in my own house I didn't even care. Work has been a struggle every since too. For some reason I having a difficult time getting back to the real world. I'd much rather be rich and not have to work at all, spending my days laying out and my nights partying it up. Liquid salvation my ass...

Interesting...

Strange dreams of you it seems
Leaves me finding beauty in the smallest of things...


And old friend called and asked if he could see me, if only even breifly. I agreed and was pleasantly surprised. Very.

Drunken But Not Stirred...

Living in New York often leaves my days feeling like hours instead. So much has happened since the last time I've blogged. Let's see. I went to the DJ Premier/Pete Rock/9th Wonder Smironoff Party that was hosted by Ed Lover. You know, he's once funny dude and down to earth too. That's always a good thing since most cats in the industry be on some other shit half the time. It was pretty much an old school hip hop party and lots of cats stopped by to partake. Q-tip dj'ed for a while, Pharomonch stopped by. As did Talib Kweli and Sadat X...at least I think that was him. It was also Pete Rock's birthday so they came out with the cake and all that shit...everybody sang happy birthday. It was cool. You know its so cool having friends in the industry. Thanks to J, not only was it an open bar but he hooked a sista up with a VIP band and everything. That's my dude he always looking out for ya girl and I really appreciate that shit. Me and Jay go waaaay back and he's one of the few friends that have managed to stick around through all the time that has passed. Speaking of freinds from the past. That very same night I ran into Donwizzle. You know he's doing his thing with the group Tanya Morgan (http://www.tanya.com/) and I'm really proud of him. Shit, it ain't easy living in the city and doing that music thing. You gotta have some serious hustle game and a lot of stamina. Shout out to Don! You can imagine how that night ended with free booze, good
music and good friends....Drunk Ass Hell. I like nights like this... Anyway that was Thursday night. I relaxed and got some rest on Friday. For some reason I'm never excited about doing anything on Fridays. I think the by that point my work week has completely worn me down and by that time i'm not good for much more than SCB's and sleeping. And that's exactly what i did.

On Saturday I went to a bar-b-que in brooklyn at Gary, Terrence, and Danny's. Those three are so much fun to be around and they have the most awesome brownstone. It's huge and walking around it feels very industrial since they're all involved in some kind of artistic creation. You'd have to be to think of having a pinata at a backyard bar-b-que. And when I tell you watching a bunch of drunk people swing blindly and wildly at a dangling money is extremely entertaining, please believe me. That shit was hilarious. They was hitting everything but the damn monkey at first...the window, people standing near by, tables and shit. Pure comedy. Of course there was plenty of drinking and lots of food. Though they did run out

of hot dog buns at one point and we started

eating them with hamburger buns and/or pita bread. Was still good non the less. Saw some old friends and met with some completely new ones. The very cool thing about parties they throw is that they have the most interesting bunch of friends...granted they're pretty unique themselves but you get my drift. I stayed much longer than originally anticipated and so the plan to ride the train back to harlem was deaded and I was forced to cough up the $35 it took to catch a taxi. It was completely worth it though.

On Sunday I had this horrid dinner for Hilary Clinton to attend. You know, one of those fund-raising ones where you listen to speeches and they serve you cold chicken and cheap wine. Actually it wasn't that bad. I think I was more vexed by having to give up my Sunday night for this broad. I took my friend Rosie and she walked up and shook her hand and talked to her and everything. I wasn't interested. To tell you the truth I don't even know why I took the pic. She looks different in person too. For some reason Hilary just doesn't do it for me. I mean, I'd love to see a woman for president but she seems kind of dead behind the eyes. And listening to her speak sounds like word vomit. Just my opinion though. The cheap wine helped alot.

Dreading The Inevitable

This past weekend was one of relative ease and monolithic reflection. I know it sounds all deep and shit but the only thing that line means is I spent my entire weekend doing absolutely nothing and on top of that my cable was on the fritz for the better part of Saturday & Sunday so I had the opportunity to sit and meditate on many things. I know this probably doesn't serve as an adequate explanation for those of you I flaked out on (Sorry Sal & Chris & J & Spec) but alas this is my blog and if I can't be honest here then where the hell can I? Saturday was pretty much a wash as my intentions started out good with plans to go by Chris's barbecue in the park earlier in the day then in the evening shoot down to Sal's for a little R&R. Needless to say I never made it. In fact I never made it further than my living room couch or the kitchen rather. I guess if I wanted to blame anyone I'd blame Hanan since he came back with the best killer ever and well...we all know of that vicious cycle. Sunday I did, at least, do laundry which was much needed.

A couple of things that came to me during my monolithic reflection was that I seriously think one of my good friends is gay. I was having this conversation with a mutual friend of ours and the more I sat my sofa and contemplated the more sense I made of everything. I've always thought something wasn't right with him but my gaydar never went off until about a month a go. Something in the way he said "he's a bad boy" just didn't seem right and that's when I started looking at him through the corner of my eye. He didn't say it nearly strong enough to pull off the fact that he was calling another man "a bad boy". It all sounded very 'how you doin?' if you know what I mean. Then, what took the cake was that his girlfriend, who also happens to be a friend of mine said she believed he was too! Oh, you could've bought my ass for a dollar cause although I'd never tell her, she basically confirmed everything I had discussed just he day or two before. So after getting my Sherlock Holmes on I sat in deep thought about the whole situation. What do you do, as a friend, knowing your friend is hiding in that perverbial closet? Does this make him a down low brother? I can't stand they greedy asses either but still... I pretty much came up with "do nothing". Either that or I just fell asleep thinking about it. It was probably the latter but hey, it works for me.

So last night, I also got bullied into attending a fundraiser dinner for Hilary Clinton that's going on next Sunday. My boss pretty much said I absolutely must go. So now I've been roped into spending Sunday night with a bunch a folks I couldn't care less about. The ironic part is that I don't even plan on voting for Hilary. I'm giving my vote to Barack Obama yet my boss says he doesn't give a shit, he just needs ten people to sit at his table. Ahhhh, politics don't you love'em!

On another note, this morning while getting dressed for work I heard a small squeaking sound in my living room. I set glue traps late last week when I saw a mouse run against the wall behind my television. That fucked me up! I think I got his ass though but my ass was too chicken to look so I left my apartment knowing pretty much there's a damn mouse trapped in my living room. I couldn't stomach seeing that shit. It would've been with me all day. So instead I'm dreading the inevitable. I mean, at some point I've got to face him, right? I'll tell you though I'm not looking forward to it. At all.

Oddly enough, in many ways that situation is much like my romantic relationship with a certain individual. We haven't been on the best of terms here lately and I've been dancing around the fact that I just don't feel the same. The mouse glued to the trap signifies our relationship and the fact that I can't ignore it forever. I realized over the weekend at some point I've got to face it and break it off. I'm so over it but for some reason I'm reluctant to tell the cat to get lost. Why is it that we dread the inevitable even when its likely to be a good thing in the end?

Laughter & Mayhem

So Tuesday was one of those days where I was completely annoyed and agitated for the better part of the day. It wasn't until yesterday that I read that the sensible Taurus moon tensely squared the long-term opoosition between dreamy Neptune and realistic Saturn which may sound like gibberish to alot of yall but spelled trouble for me. When something like this occurs our days are marked by a series of delimas, which described my day perfectly on Tuesady. A series of delimas. Did you have a shitty day on Tuesday as well? Blame the planets. Listen to me. "Stars, moons quasars. Muthafuckas sounding like Elroy Jetson!" Yall remember that line from Boys In The Hood. Anyway, that was pretty much my attitude the entire day. I really just felt like cursing somebody out. Not for anything that anyone had done in particular. I wanted to do it just because I felt like it! My homie J said he felt the same way on Tuesday. I laughed when he told me he was "the angry black man" for the day. Hilarious. Fortunately, I woke up Wednesday feeling much better and pretty much had an effortlessly smooth day. I was even given another project. For my boss to be so much of an ass sometimes I must say it still feels good when he compliments me on my hard work. Even when a compliment comes in the form of more work for my ass.

My mood today is pretty relaxed. Every since Sal came back from Portugal and Puerto Rico I've been missing my beach action so I put up a picture of one of my favorite places in the entire world Buzios, Brasil!!!! I'll keep this picture indelibly printed on my brain throughout the day for a little peace of mind in all of this Mayhem. And just for the record I've never had a greater time visiting a foreign place than my time spent in Brasil. My ass has got to go back!

Here's a pic of Sal, looking dark as hell from his tramp across the globe this past month. I'm jealous but I'm also happy to see somebody's been living it up! In the end that's what its all about right? Who wants all work and no play. In this crazy world full of laughter and mayhem you have to make the time to actually step outside your self and bare witness to and partake in something that purely feels good and rejuvenates your mental, physical and spiritual self! Fuck the dumb shit yo. Hallelujah, Holla Back!

I Absolutely Adore Amy!!!!

Here's Amy singing Valerie, a cover of a track from the UK band The Zutons! Something about her beligerence and old soul strikes a cord with me. Enjoy!

Ain't Nothing Like Free Henny

Last night I checked out the Fader/Henny party with my homie J. It was hosted in the meatpacking district and as usual was full of drunkeness and hilarity. Ran into a couple old friends like Derrick who I haven't seen in ages and Brook who assigned me my first freelance writing gig when i first moved to New York. By 11:00 I'd had enough though so i got my drunk ass on the train and went home. It's funny sometimes the characters you run across here. Most harmless enough and some quite fucking hilarious. Met a dude who said he was getting kicked out of his apartment the next day in court and in the same breath asked me for my number. Interesting. And bold. Anyway, I'm paying for all the Henny now and my only thought is getting home and sitting on my couch doing absolutely nothing. I'm on the count down now with my trip to vegas and my subsequent trip home. At the very least it gives me something to look forward to...

J said this rooster was good luck so I'm posting up...shit i can use all the help I can get!

I Wish I Gave A Shit But I Don't

Sad but true. My boss completely spazzed out on me for the upteenth time and I had the most wonderful epiphany. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad. I simply didn't give a shit! It was such a refreshing feeling of peace. I came back from lunch thirty minutes late and he almost had a heart attack. The way he came at me I thought maybe my ass embezzled some company funds in my sleep or something. I suppressed a weird "what the fuck" look and simply said "ok". "Don't get an attitude with me" he screamed. I wish I could get an attitude since maybe that would mean I actually gave a shit but alas... Do I like my job? Hell Yea! Will I subject myself to countless days of walking on egg shells and feeling bad about the little things that in the big scheme of things don't even register on my "Give-O-Shit" meter? Hell no! And I refuse to apologize for it. Why should I? I can handle my consequences and repercussions like the best of'em. I've become quite good at it actually and if I had it all to do over... well you get the picture.

It's all fun and games until...

I'd say it takes a determinable amount of time to figure people out. You think you know someone and then BAM! they do something that ultimately shocks the shit out of you...especially in the beginning. I had date number four with this bright, young doctor who in every way seemed pretty dreamy. Cute, professional, humorous...you know all the things you look for. Somehow we got on the discussion of religion and before long I found myself playing devils advocate asking things i already knew the answer to just to see where he was coming from. Somewhere in the midst of it all i realized that for this guy to be pretty amazing on so many different levels the one i needed him to be just wasn't happening. If nothing else, I require an open mind about life in general. How else should you take on this earthly hell. I mean we're sitting at the bar and I'm contemplating what, if anything, should happen next when all these opinions and judgements about everything from homosexuality (that's wrong for men but ok for women apparently) to Jesus starts flying out of his mouth piece all followed by the statement "i'm not judging though". Of course your not homie and I'm just not into you. Everything is fine and dandy when you don't ask questions but the minute you do your sure to find that its all fun and games until some teeth are missing and you find yourself sitting on curb wondering what the fuck just happened.

Summertime In The City

Barbecues and house parties. Low cut shorts and laughter on the front stoop. Who could ask for anything more...

You Only Want What You Cant Have

May years after my first love an I had evolved into subsequent close friends he asked me a question that even as I think of it now still resonates strongly with me. He asked "why settle for less, when you know you deserve better?"


Good question, right?


I guess settling is subjective when you really think about it but the very basis of the question still rings true. Why settle for something, anything less than what your standards deem worthy. On one hand I think it is completely acceptable to have a goal/vision/dream and go for it but what happens when said goal/vision/dream isn't good for or to you. Does your "want" cancel out the reality of the situation. I'm a Scorpio and in being so I live my life entirely based on how it makes me feel. Not if its morally acceptable, legally required or contractually binding. None of that shit matters to me. Only how I feel. So in the end I'm forced to make a huge sacrifice... I'm basically saying eff whats better, give me what the hell i asked for. In living life through how i feel, settling for less when I know I deserve better, becomes moot doesn't it?

It behooves me to find someone in the penitentiary for murder with such a philosophical view on life...

I want the bright lights and big city dreams, a man faithful like a preist, built like a basketball player and with the mind of a comedic genuis who'll give me lots of babies and still treat me like the princess that I am without giving up so much as an ounce of his manhood or pride. I want the corner office with two inch thick carpet, a desk made of brazillian mahogany wood and a view that'll make you cry. I want three homes, one in the hollywood hills, one in manhattan and one on acres of land in Texas. I want a nanny for my babies, a maid for my houses and a G5 to fly me where ever i want to go...

What do I have?

It's good. But it ain't that good.

Am I settling?