It's all fun and games until...

I'd say it takes a determinable amount of time to figure people out. You think you know someone and then BAM! they do something that ultimately shocks the shit out of you...especially in the beginning. I had date number four with this bright, young doctor who in every way seemed pretty dreamy. Cute, professional, humorous...you know all the things you look for. Somehow we got on the discussion of religion and before long I found myself playing devils advocate asking things i already knew the answer to just to see where he was coming from. Somewhere in the midst of it all i realized that for this guy to be pretty amazing on so many different levels the one i needed him to be just wasn't happening. If nothing else, I require an open mind about life in general. How else should you take on this earthly hell. I mean we're sitting at the bar and I'm contemplating what, if anything, should happen next when all these opinions and judgements about everything from homosexuality (that's wrong for men but ok for women apparently) to Jesus starts flying out of his mouth piece all followed by the statement "i'm not judging though". Of course your not homie and I'm just not into you. Everything is fine and dandy when you don't ask questions but the minute you do your sure to find that its all fun and games until some teeth are missing and you find yourself sitting on curb wondering what the fuck just happened.

Summertime In The City

Barbecues and house parties. Low cut shorts and laughter on the front stoop. Who could ask for anything more...

You Only Want What You Cant Have

May years after my first love an I had evolved into subsequent close friends he asked me a question that even as I think of it now still resonates strongly with me. He asked "why settle for less, when you know you deserve better?"


Good question, right?


I guess settling is subjective when you really think about it but the very basis of the question still rings true. Why settle for something, anything less than what your standards deem worthy. On one hand I think it is completely acceptable to have a goal/vision/dream and go for it but what happens when said goal/vision/dream isn't good for or to you. Does your "want" cancel out the reality of the situation. I'm a Scorpio and in being so I live my life entirely based on how it makes me feel. Not if its morally acceptable, legally required or contractually binding. None of that shit matters to me. Only how I feel. So in the end I'm forced to make a huge sacrifice... I'm basically saying eff whats better, give me what the hell i asked for. In living life through how i feel, settling for less when I know I deserve better, becomes moot doesn't it?

It behooves me to find someone in the penitentiary for murder with such a philosophical view on life...

I want the bright lights and big city dreams, a man faithful like a preist, built like a basketball player and with the mind of a comedic genuis who'll give me lots of babies and still treat me like the princess that I am without giving up so much as an ounce of his manhood or pride. I want the corner office with two inch thick carpet, a desk made of brazillian mahogany wood and a view that'll make you cry. I want three homes, one in the hollywood hills, one in manhattan and one on acres of land in Texas. I want a nanny for my babies, a maid for my houses and a G5 to fly me where ever i want to go...

What do I have?

It's good. But it ain't that good.

Am I settling?