From My Lips To God's Ears

Today it's cold and raining but after two days of absolutely gorgeous weather I can't complain. I went to the dentist this morning, after missing my last appoinment last month, only to find out that they don't except my current insurance. The funny thing, though, is that I asked them if they accepted my insurance when I made the appoinment and the young lady who asnwered the phone said yes. Unfortunately for me, she didn't bother to tell me which of the selected branches of said insurance that they accept specifically. I wasn't too mad since the visit gave me the opportunity to leave the house this morning and there's something about watching people hurry to and fro in the early morning streets of New York City. That being said, I'm glad i'm back at home watching the rain fall from my living room windows.



Yesterday a very good friend of mine had a party to observe the canabis holiday of 420. I showed up around three with a twelve pack of Coronas and Pilsbury cookies. So many old faces that I hadn't seen in ages showed up. It's always a good time at Corren's and yesterday was no different. I do wish I would've gone back after I left though. Ahhhh, just as well...



On Saturday I went to an NYU continuing education information session that was less painful and more insightful than I thought it would be. And I must say after going through it I feel like the admission process is a lot less intimidating. That's not to say it's easy but still...

What I wanna be when I grow up...

I've been accepted back to school and I'm feeling pretty randy about the idea of going back, though it's forcing me in the interim weeks of figuring out exactly what it is that I want to do with/for the rest of my life. That's some pretty heavy shit to contemplate on and much more difficult to answer than expected. From day to day my interests point me in so many directions that one moment I want to be in music, the next marketing, the next an actor. You can see how the task of pinning down one specific career path can be. That being said, when I'm confronted with the same question posed to me when I was a young girl, If it weren't for money, what would you do? It's a powerful thought! For they say when your work is what you would gladly do for free, then it's really not working at all and one part of life's mystery is solved for you. Bam! Just like that. And so my journey begins. I know exactly what I would do if money weren't a factor. I would be a writer...of books, and poetry, screen plays and editorials. Perhaps be the editor of a great magazine. And so I work from there. From a crazy idea filled room that I, in some kind of way, must find a way to the beauty in my mind.

Things are pretty much going how they've been going for the last few months. Seemingly since the holidays the job search has slowed down considerably. I think it's time for me to revamp the resume, make the recruiter rounds and kick up some dust. With all this stimulus talk I'm figuring I should be doing some stimulating of my own.

That being said I'm actually doing fine. I should be writing more but other than that I'm feeling optimistic about life in general. Last weekend a friend of mine invited me to club Runway for the opening night of his weekly "Blame it on the Goose" Sunday night party with Ryan Leslie which was a lot more entertaining than I'd initially thought it would be. Not that my friend can't throw a hot party, he most definitely can but since I've been going out for a while now it gets pretty old, pretty fast.

Long story short....cute club, sorta ran down but not enough to call it a dump. Sound system was ok, I've heard better and I've definitely heard worse. Ryan sounded just like his record. Still not sure if I'd want to see him live but from what I saw in person and what his interviews I heard on the radio he seems personable enough. Not sure if I'll be making a habit out of attending every Sunday but I wish Vill all the best with this new endeavor. Maybe next time I'll take pictures.

And lastly, anyone else annoyed at all of this anti-stimulus talk. They don't like it but they want that money tho!

*shakes head*

Realization of a Renaissance

"Real love is always fated. It has been arranged before time. It is the most meticulously prepared of coincidences. And fate, of course, is simply a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for His grace." Joshua Harris

Once in a life time, some will say, if your really lucky, some day - a long time from now - you might have the succint possibility of meeting your knight in shining armor. And if the universe favors you at the perfect moment it just might let you bask in complete happiness of knowing that you are the best at what you do and reap all ensuing benefits of being so.

I appreciate the Obamas for the seeming proof and contradiction of this belief. A bit of a familial oxymoron themselves, it's only fitting that the general, stereo-typical mold is shattered into a million tiny peices. Add to this phenomenom the undeniable fact that Michelle and Barack make it seem all to natural and, well, easy, that it forces you to recognize its certain attainability if only you knew how.

I'm not speaking of the obvious monumental changes that are taking place from our country electing it's first African-American male to lead us boldly into the future. I am held in complete awe of the underlying affects and transitions that are taking place mentally and spiritually. If you think about it, you see it taking form too.

We all have a sob story to tell...

Often times life pushes us into certain situations and mind frames that are totally condusive to/for the perfect atmosphere of conducting a genuine and vital self-evaluation and reflection and it is in these under appreciated moments that one can learn the most about themselves, rest their spirit with complete peace of mind and bring to focus issues that might not have otherwise come to head.

Life is funny that way, ya know. I realized a long time ago that there are no absolutes and your life can change at a moments notice. I've since learned to enjoy my life exactly for what it is and not to waste not even a moment on the things that may seem negative. For in the end I believe that everything happens for a reason and that reason, even if blind to me now, is for the greater good of all parties involved.

I guess I say all of this to say even though my life may not be exactly as I thought it would be at this stage in my life, I'd much rather have the very hand that I'm playing than to trade it up or down for someone elses mess.

Ase!!!

Why settle for less when you know you deserve better?

Rationality is a commitment to the facts — an inviolable willingness to face reality, no matter how painful, frightening, or unpleasant the truth may be in a specific case. And rationality means never placing any consideration above one’s honest grasp of the facts.

I just finished reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. And even though it's a pretty hefty read I have to admit it held my attention for the most part, though not as intently as Leo Tolstoy's War & Peace held me in its grasp. At the very root of the plot lies Mrs. Rand's basis for Objectivism which is the philosophy that preaches in essence, the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute. -Her words not mine.

Hmmmmm.... I have to admit that the thought sounds intriguing, if even a bit selfish. My mama used to always say that she knew with certainity that I deserved to be happy which I think lies at the very foundation of Ayn Rand's Objectivism. She believed that the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness or rational self-interest.

Amen to that. I'm on my objectivism ish these days...reminds me of something my first love once asked me...why settle for less, when you know you deserve better?

Ain't It The Truth

I decided last week that this week would be the start of a renewed since of urgency and approachment in regards to my job search. I revised my resume and came up with a creative and unique cover letter. I also made me an appointment to have my hair straigtened and my nails done. I submitted approximately ten or fifteen resume's and have about four call backs three of which landed in interviews for possible gigs. I say possible because the interviews are with recruiting firms. That seems to be the agent of choice for would be employers these days.

I made a point to only show interested in jobs that I might actually wanna go to for the most part and that made the most since financially. It's been two months now and I figure Summer's winding down it's time to get it poppin again.



And so, easy, breezy like this view from the balcony on my trip to Aruba I feel good about the possibilities.

On another note, i've been thinking of volunteering for the Obama campain. I surely don't have any money to give. Hell, it's hard enough paying bills less known donations. But time? that I got. Plenty of it in fact. At least right now I do. Hopefully that'll change soon though.

The pressure of survival in the big city will make you lose sight of your dream...hang in there. - De La Vega

It's taken me a while but I've finally lost my 'writer's procrastination' and suddenly after months of silence the characters in my head have started speaking again, all vying for room in the que of my creative space so whenever i'm writing it pours out like rain onto the page. For a while it was as though I didn't have the patience to write anything more than journal entries. I'd sit in front of the laptop, curser blinking, page blank. For the first three months of the year I rarely found the energy to even pick up the lap top. I was much more inclined to pick up my coloring books and color for hours as I sat on my sofa and simultaneously watched reruns of Flavor of Love and Project Runway. Don't laugh, there's something very therapudic about coloring. Ask my cousin Lawanna or her granddaughter Zaria, they'll tell you.

I slid back into writing as easily and effortlessly as I left it. One night I reached for my coloring box and a character from the new book I'm working on said 'not tonight...it's my turn'. I obliged and a month down the line I'm still in this mode. It's a wonderful feeling to be back. New York City has away of putting and then keeping you on the grind for extended periods of time and unfortunately when you put all your energy towards capitalistic gain you most often sacrifice any creative outlets that could use the energy. As it now seems the universe is pulling for me to write, my circumstances are becoming ever more conducive to a creative frame of mind. Thank goodness!


On another note... Isn't it nice when you run into people you haven't seen in ages. A friend of mine who has written numerous books including the one to the right was recently in Harlem and I had the pleasure of giving him a surprise visit. It's been years since I've seen or talked to him and so I briefly thought that he could have possibly forgotten me. Gladly, I was wrong. Our reunion was full of big smiles, tight hugs and keep in touches. Michael Eric Dyson is one of those rare individuals who has the ability to remain relevant to both young and old, educated and not. He's truly anointed with the gift of speak! I've yet to read his book but plan on taking it with me to Aruba to read as I lay out on it's beautiful beaches!

I Feel Like....

Strange dreams of you it seems,
Leaves me finding beauty in the smallest of things...

Succumbing to My Reality

Yesterday, on my way from the doctors office at 35th and Park I walked right past one of the many Sean Bell demonstrations going on in the city. At first I was confused as to what was going on but I soon saw the many "stop the violence" and "no justice, no peace" signs and knew exactly what was going on. I wanted to go over and join them or see things up close and personal at the very least but my lunch hour had already been taken and I couldn't account for taking any longer. The revolutionist in me had to bow to its capitalist side and I hopped in a cab and got back to work. So sad but true.

*photo courtesey of bossip.com

They Say Hind Sight Is 20/20

My mama used to always say 'you never know what'll happen in the next twenty minutes'. This always came on the heels of a negative occurrence and it was her kind and gentle way of saying "that's life, kiddo. Deal with it!". Hind sight is 20/20 and now I know precisely what she meant. Life in all its inevitable-ness is filled with interruptions and complications and the grand benefit to all of this change is simply that...meaning whatever you're experiencing always remember that yes, this too, shall pass. Good for us that the change could just as easily be good for us as it can be bad. It's was Barack Obama calls the audacity of hope. Something my mama was filled to the brim with.

So the other day one of my best sweety pies on the planet, Corren, came by the office around quitting time and we both walked in the same direction...she to her friend who owns a recording studio and me to get my nails done. After small talk I was invited to the studio after my appointment and since it was in such close proximity to where I was going anyway I obliged. Once I get there it wasn't twenty minutes before I see an old friend. One who i was not neccessarily estranged from but one I definitely wasn't on constant speaking terms with. Long story short, my mama's words popped right into my head. For what its worth, I didn't mind seeing him but I was completely fine not seeing him. Since we never really figured out exactly what our connection entailed we somehow scraped past having too, leaving, what they call, an 800 pound gorrilla in the room whenever we linked. Eventually the gorilla just got too damn big for us to occupy the same time space continuum and our time together became more effort than either of us afforded to it. Waking up that day, seeing him was pretty much one of the last things I'd expected to do...but damn if it didn't feel nice. You never know what'll happen in the next twenty minutes...true indeed!


On another note, I came across this crazy video of this chick going hard on some random old lady on the train. It's rather sad to watch but it's like they say... the same things that make you laugh can make you cry.


Also, last night Barack Obama won the North Carolina Primaries! A perverbial fire has been set under my political enthusiasm and I'm greatly interested in finding out how all of this will play out.

On another note, my heart and prayers go out to all the people of Myanmar who fell victim to the Cyclone that has reaped unimaginable loss!

Girl Please!!!

Today I'm launching my first-ever installment of GIRL PLEASE. From time to time I may come up with a list of characters, opinions, and ever encompassing outlandish-ness for yours, but more specifically my, entertainment. Welcome to the circus!!!


Girl Please! Case No. 1

’ She says she’s had therapy because inside her flamboyant outbursts is a scared deserted child and: ‘What I hate is people who, because you are in the public eye, try to take advantage of you, blackmail you. Unfortunately what happens is that lawyers become your best friend . . . What has been written about me is out of the hemisphere. Just wrong . . . I don’t care if they call me a bitch. A bitch is someone defending their rights . . . I’m a fighter.’ But ‘I’ve learned to meditate, to give myself some breaks during the day. I’ve rediscovered my good humor.

It’s clear that Naomi definitely needs to learn how to chill the hell out. May we suggest aromatherapy or purchasing a new weave to cover that raggedy-ass hairline?

**Photo & Funny Quote Courtesy of Bossip.com - I love this website

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Girl Please!! Case No. 2

So it's lunch time at my office and I'm starving so I heat up the left overs I brought in from dinner last night - baked chicken, cabbage & sausage, mac & cheese, and white rice when (you didn't need to know that part, just thought I'd show off my cooking skills) when one of my associates from the office says "you know, your not supposed to heat up food in plastic containers when you're using the microwave". I explained that maybe that was the case but at times I was just too lazy to put my food in a "microwave safe" dish...hell, i'm not even sure I own a microwave safe dish. And there was no way I was about to throw away my lunch! Now, I'd heard this some time ago or maybe read it in an email somewhere about how microwave plastics release something called dioxins that can cause breast cancer but for some reason when my associate said something about it this afternoon...something didn't ring true so I decided to get my inspector gadget on and investigate further. Turns out it's a urban legend....

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
The claim that plastic food wraps and containers can release dioxins in the microwave oven is misleading. First, the vast majority of plastics used in food wraps and packaging containers do not contain the chemical constituents that can form dioxins. Second, dioxins are a family of compounds that are produced by combustion at high temperatures. They can only be formed during combustion at temperatures typically above 700 degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, even if all of the constituents were present, you also would need to have a very hot fire in your microwave oven, in which case you probably wouldn’t eat the food anyway.

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Girl Please!! Case No. 3



Need I say more...

**Photo Courtesy of SandraRose.com - I love this website too!

Riff Raff, Bafoonery, and Plain Old Entertainment

I'll be the first to admit that something about this man's wife urks the hell outta me. I'll also be the first to say that I'll definitely be one of the first to buy his album. As annoying as he is his talent is, indeed, undeniable.

So the word is tonight Khia will be eliminated from the VH1 reality series Miss Rap Supreme. She had a long rant on AllHipHop.com today about how it was all a ploy for publicity. If you say so...Khia, girl, you a trip but I ain't mad at your new single.

I can not tell a lie, shits hot!

When The Going Gets Tough...Get Your Ass Out The Way

Mood: Slightly More Optimistic Than Yesterday

As the weather warms so does my spirits! Seems each day it gets a little warmer and I notice more and more trees blossoming and suddenly the possibilities seem quite intriguing.

Last night Fa invited me to go to Butter with her. If you don't know Butter is THE place to be on Monday nights. You'll find everybody from Diddy to Jay Z partying it up at Butter on Monday nights and my ass fell asleep on the sofa and didn't wake up until well after I cared to give a shit about going. Fa is this chick i met awhile ago at the club and she seems cool enough though we haven't really hung out since then. Hopefully we'll make that happen. It's not everyday you meet people on your level that you can actually stand long enough to kick it with. Perhaps next Monday i'll roll through with her. Ain't nothing like a scene to get the juices flowing!

All Along The Watchtower

Mood: Borderline Moody/Melancholy

There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
There's too much confusion
I can't get no relief


This picture of my cousin Zaria speaks volumes to me!!




I woke up this morning in a fairly placid state of mind. I peeked at the morning sky from my warm, comfortable bed and was pleased to find the sky a bright blue, the sun shining bright. Unfortunately, something happened between me actually rising from my bed and me taking that first step outside my front door. A mood begin to set in and I begin laboring over things that I have no control over. A helplessness set in and by the time I'd reached the door to my job I was out and out displeased with my life. Not sure why I felt that way as nothing has happened to warrant even the slightest inkling of that feeling. I wonder how the stars and moon are aligning today...somethings got to be up. I'm not my normally disgusting happy self today. Thank goodness I have Jimi Hendrix to get me through.